Omg Webkinz

07/21/08

Dear Diary,

FINALLY! My mom bought me a new diary today! My old one was confisgated by the popo…but luckily there was a Diary Diva close by where the eating contest was being held. On the way to the contest while my oh so immature 11 year old little brother Mr. Wiggles sat in the backseat wiggling in his booster seat, I sat maturely in the front next to mommy and jammed out to Radio Kidsney. Then, when I thought things couldn’t get any better, my FAV song came on! It was Best of Three Worlds by Jane Maine! I was SO happy I jumped up and down in the seat, and I guess my weight was just too much for the chair so this gaping hole appeared under my feet, but thank Bobby Flay we were in the parking lot. 

When I crawled out, I saw her: those glasses…that turtle neck…and OH those hot mama pigtails! What a site! It was Patty, the love of my life. She was in the stands at the eating contest. Had she come to watch…me? But then I looked over and saw Chuck Norris at the eating table! Patty had come to see HIM! I held back tears, and tried to think of what Jane Maine would do…ok Jane Maine would sing about it but how would that help? I stomped over to the table, ready to show Chuck Norris what I was made of. It was me, Chuck, Paula Dean, Dora the Explorer, and some mexican guy I didn’t know. They put out the first platter: 15 Wendys Diabetes Explosion Sandwiches. On your mark…get set…GO! I started chugging down sandwiches, and saw Chuck Norris doing the same. Paula took out 7 sticks of butter from her backpack and slathered it all over the sandwiches, then started inhaling them. Dora sat there staring at the audience, “Can you help me eat these Diabetes Explosions? You have to stand up! Stand up please!” and the mexican guy ate one, blabbered some things in some foreign language, (my hunches told me it was German) and ran to a port-a-potty. It was tough competition this year.

Suddenly, Dora got up and knocked over the judges table, tazered the announcer, and jumped in a hummer yelling, “You’ll never catch me now federal government!” Chuck Norris looked up distracted, which gave he time to swallow the final Diabetes Explosion. VICTORY! It took a while for people to acknowledge me though, with a mass killer Dora on the loose, but  after the cops left I was finally awarded! I couldn’t move I was so flippin fat so they came over and squeezed the medal over my head. Then, to make my day even perfecter, Patty herself came over and gave me a kiss! Her breath smelt like lunchables, it was AMAZ-Z-ZING! I turned to Chuck Norris who was sitting there looking all serious and said, “You smell funny!” which must have been one Barefoot Contessa of a comeback cause he didn’t even respond! I fell asleep after that, and just woke up and started writing in this diary. It’s about 1:00 in the morning, and I’m still at the eating table because I guess my mom forget me again, but what a day.